How To Handle Your Nasty Self-Criticism

I’ve received multiple emails from readers sharing what triggers their self-criticism. Self-criticism can be one of the most MASSIVE obstacles to tackle, because it underlies everything.

What you’re telling yourself will determine the way you feel, the behaviors and actions you take and the words you say to others. Your «invisible scripts» shape your experience of your world. They are the paintbrushes on your life canvas (OK, that was slightly cheesy, but you get the point).

The sneaky thing with these invisible scripts is that they are… well, invisible.

Generally, you don’t notice them. They run around in the background of your mind all day long, and occur to you like they’re real.

Your invisible scripts sound like an observation of reality, but they’re actually a biased judgement coming from a part of you that wants to keep you behaving in the same way you always have.

Here’s a few recent comments from readers about their self-criticism or invisible scripts. I’ve bolded the invisible scripts for emphasis. These are the things that these readers are telling themselves and believing that it’s reality:

«If I have one lick of something that I feel is a «bad food» I start to feel I have failed and throw in the towel. I know logically I cannot be perfect, but I use that inability to let a binge take over. It makes no sense.«

«I teach Pilates and actually TRAIN people around health and fitness… and then I can’t even control myself! I come home and somehow start eating, then get so mad at myself for being a weak failure. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.«

«Its like ever since I moved to the US and started having kids, I lost touch with myself or something. I don’t have much time to myself and when the kids finally go to bed I just want to eat. I know that it’s a bad habit but I can’t stop doing it.«

«I will be good for a week and eat healthy and then I just lose it and say hell with it and hate myself. I know better but it doesn’t matter when I am alone and have a weak moment. It would be nice to have one piece of chocolate or something but I can’t do that. Once I start, I don’t stop.«

Most of the time, a part of you knows that what you’re telling yourself probably isn’t ACTUALLY true, but you believe it anyway.

Which makes total sense if part of you is really used to beating yourself up.

Naturally, that part is going to be looking for ways to be right that you’re not good enough, a failure, or whatever it is that you tell yourself when you’re being critical. So when you eat something that one part of you has judged to be «bad», the other part of you will rejoice in victory because it’s RIGHT that you always throw in the towel.

The trick is to notice when that part of you is looking to be right.

When you hear these negative thoughts running in your head, take note. Observe what’s happening. You don’t need to stop the thoughts (or feel doubly bad that you are allowing the negative thoughts to override everything). Just notice them.

You can appreciate that it’s coming from a part of your ego or your «animal brain» that’s just doing its job. As your ego or your «animal brain», it’s #1 priority is to protect you.

It’s trying to keep you in the same patterns because those are trusted, reliable patterns you’ve lived most of your life. It doesn’t want you to do something radically different, like enjoy the pleasure of the food for what it is and NOT beat yourself up over it.

Our minds are funny things.

When you notice this part of you, you can see it for what it is. You don’t have to react to it unless you choose to. If you choose to react to it as you normally would, you’re making a conscious decision. This puts you in the driver’s seat because you’re making a choice rather than reacting on autopilot.

This is very similar to when you have urges to eat when you aren’t physically hungry, or to overeat. The urges are being driven by this same part, the «animal» brain, that’s trying to protect you by comforting you, nurturing and feeding you because—for whatever reason—it feels triggered.

A habitual response to these urges, just like the invisible scripts, is to react and do what you’ve done before. Whether its beating yourself up, calling yourself a failure or eating the entire box of ice cream.

The hard thing to do with cravings or urges to eat is to notice the impulse to react and choose to let it run its course without taking action.

Likewise, the hard thing to do with nasty self-criticism is to notice it, choose to recognize where it’s coming from, thank it for trying to protect you and then let it pass on by.

It’s hard because, in the moment, it feels SO REAL.

And when you’re that triggered, if you’re like me, you don’t want to let it pass. You want to be bitchy, nasty and down on yourself because you think you deserve it.

So here’s a challenge for you this week:

See if you can find the «invisible script» or voice telling you that you’re failing (or you’re weak, or ugly, or whatever your word weapon of choice is). You don’t have to take it seriously. You can just listen to it like you would listen to a little yippy dog at your ankles. You know it’s there, but you don’t have to engage with it unless you choose to.

Notice how often you hear it.

Notice what you’re doing when you hear it.

See if you can zoom out for a moment when you hear it. If this is your «animal brain» telling you this message in order to keep you behaving in a certain way and feeling bad about yourself, it’s not real. It’s a triggered, programmed impulse. Congratulate yourself on being able to recognize it.

Congratulating yourself in the face of nasty self-criticism is the opposite of what you will feel compelled to do. But you’ve got the winning hand: you can’t transform it until you can see it.

When you can see it for what it is, it will lose steam. The more you notice the criticism and choose to not indulge it, the easier it will be to let it pass and put your attention elsewhere.

Can you spot your scripts?

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My Local Victim of the Titanic Disaster

Alfred Allsop was a victim of the Titanic disaster who was a native of my region. He was an electrical engineer, and as such he helped to keep the lights on for as long as possible while the passengers located the lifeboats, the consequence of which he went down with the ship and his body was never recovered. This is my small tribute to him.

Alfred Samuel Allsop was born in 1876, at 96 Brunswick Street, Chorlton-on-Medlock, Manchester. He was the youngest of four sons in a family of ten children to George Foster Allsop, a travelling salesman, and his wife, Elizabeth (formerly Walker), the daughter of an Irish teacher. They married in 1860 at Manchester Cathedral, where most of their children were christened. One of Alfred’s sisters had died before he was born. By 1891 the family had moved to 29 Broughton Lane, Lower Broughton, Salford, and Alfred was well known in the district. He became interested in the power of electricity at an early age, spending much of his time riding on the electric tram cars in Manchester and he was a regular visitor at the Salford power station in Bloom Street, which supplied the bulk of traction supply for central Manchester, plus lighting and power demand.

When he was fifteen he began an apprenticeship with H H Hall and Company of Liverpool, who was pioneering the use of ships telephones, followed by employment with Campbell and Isherwood of Bootle, where he worked in the development of electrical switchboards. This was followed by short spells at the Hame Electric Company and the Northern Electric Company, both of Liverpool. He left Manchester to take up an appointment on the Baltic, and joined the White Star Line in August 1904 as assistant electrician aboard the Celtic II. He later served on the Majestic and Oceanic, in which it is said he crossed the Atlantic about a hundred times before joining the Titanic.

He had an inventive mind, and it was he who developed an idea for a multi-clutched lifeboat winch powered by an electric motor, which would allow fully laden lifeboats to be lifted from a ship straight into the water. This invention became ‘The Allsop Electric Lifeboat Crane’, but he did not see his device go into production. When the White Star Line moved their headquarters to Southampton he moved to that town. He was one of the transfer crew which brought the Titanic to Southampton on 2 April, where he signed-on as second electrician.

The RMS Titanic was a British registered four-funnelled ocean liner built for the Trans-Atlantic passenger and mail service between Southampton and New York. Constructed at the Harland and Wolff shipyard in Belfast, to have sailed on ‘The voyage of the century’ aboard the Titanic, the world’s largest and most luxurious vessel afloat at that time, was like being one of the first people to fly on Concorde. It was described at the time as ‘a floating palace’ – Mayfair and Bel Air on water! People from all walks of life began embarking on the Titanic at Southampton on 10 April 1912, for what was to be the trip of a lifetime on the ship’s maiden voyage across the north Atlantic; many were looking forward to starting new lives in the United States.

However, just before midnight on Sunday, 14 April 1912, it began to send out signals of distress stating: ‘We have struck an ice berg.’ The ship had been steaming at a speed other crews would have envied at that time, when it collided with an enormous iceberg which stripped off her bilge under the waterline for more than a hundred yards, opened up five of the front compartments and flooded the coal bunker servicing one of the boilers. She sank about three hours later. There were sixteen lifeboats and four collapsible dinghies, which were insufficient, as a consequence of which two out of every three of the 2,200 people on board perished.

Alfred was doing the last shift of the day from ten until one minute to twelve, so he was on duty in the generator room when the Titanic hit the iceberg. However, he remained at his post when all was lost, helping to keep the lights burning to aid the passengers to get to the lifeboats. It was estimated that the ship’s power would last no more than an hour, yet Alfred and his colleagues kept the power on for two hours and forty minutes, and the lights stayed on until a few minutes before the ship sank. Without their self-sacrifice power would have been lost and the death toll would have been considerably higher.

The CS Carpathia was in the region, and on receiving a distress signal it immediately set a course towards the disaster area. After working through dangerous ice fields it arrived at the scene at four o’clock in the morning of 15 April. Some people, mostly woman and children, had escaped from the ship in lifeboats and the Carpathia saved over seven hundred people. A Carpathia spokesman reported the scene as they arrived at the area where the Titanic went down: ‘The Sea was dotted with bodies as far as one could see, and the decks were covered with them. Everybody had on a lifebelt and bodies floated very high in the water in spite of the sodden clothes and things in pockets. Apparently the people had lots of time and discipline must have been splendid, for some had on their pyjamas, two and three shirts, two pairs of pants, two vests, two jackets and an overcoat. In some pockets a quantity of meat and biscuits were found, while in the pockets of most of the crew quite a lot of tobacco and matches besides keys to the various lockers and stateroom doors were found. On this day we buried fifteen bodies some of them very badly smashed and bruised.’

The Mackay-Bennett searched the disaster area a few days later and buried 116 bodies at sea, and the ship arrived back in Nova Scotia with 190 bodies on board. Some victims were buried in two separate mass graves, while others were claimed by their families and transported home.

Alfred’s body was never recovered, however, he is named on the Liverpool Titanic and Engineers memorial, and there is a brass memorial plaque at St Faith’s Church in Great Crosby, which is dedicated: ‘to the memory of the Chief Engineer and his Engine Room staff.’ He is named on the Southampton Engineers Memorial in East Park, on the Glasgow Institute of Marine Engineers memorial and on the Institute of Marine Engineers memorial in London.

He is believed to have married a woman named Hilda not long before he died, and they are said to have had a child named Philip Alfred. This comes from the fact that in 1914, a woman stating her name to be Hilda claimed from the Titanic Relief Fund and was granted one pound: ‘for expenses due to the illness of her little boy.’ However, there is no registration listing for any marriage for Alfred, and there is no birth registration for his son. No wife and son have ever been traced.

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An Insight Into Bundesliga

Bundesliga refers to a professional and top-tier football league in Germany. The league is also claimed to enjoy the highest number of stadium attendees throughout the globe. Bundesliga is also considered the primary football competition in Germany and participated by 18 clubs. The league is based on promotion and relegation, which further hinges on performance of a side in question. The competition commences in August and ends in May. Most of the games are played on the weekends i.e. Saturdays and Sundays whereas a few matches are held on the weekdays.

All of the participants in Bundesliga earn qualification for DFB-Pokal. The Bundesliga champion qualifies for DFL-Supercup.

Bayern Munich have been the most successful side in Bundesliga, claiming the titles 23 times till date. They are the defending champions during the current 2014-15 season and have also clung to the leading spot on the league table so far this campaign. Other clubs that have won the Bundesliga titles include Borussia Dortmund, Borussia Mönchengladbach, VfB Stuttgart, Werder Bremen and Hamburger SV.

Bundesliga is one of the most competitive and popular national leagues in the world and rank third in Europe as per the league coefficient of UEFA. The league matches are broadcasted in more than 200 nations.

History of Bundesliga

Bundesliga was established in Dortmund in the year of 1962 and its first season began in 1963. Both organization and structure of Bundesliga as well as other football leagues in the country have undergone frequent and massive changes to become what they are right now. Deutscher Fußball-Bund first founded Bundesliga but now it is regulated by Deutsche Fußball Liga.

Structure & Competition

Structure of Budesliga resembles to the same of other major leagues like English Premier League and La Liga or Spain Premier League. Every team takes on each of other sides once at their home ground and once in an away match. Previously, the winning side of a match was awarded two points and a draw earned each of both sides one point whereas the loser gained nothing. However, according to changes of rules and regulations during 1995-96 season, the winning side gets three points (max points).

The club, which collects maximum points at the end of the ongoing season, is crowned with the Bundesliga title. The first three clubs on the Bundesliga table directly qualify for the Champions League group phase whereas the fourth-spotted side enters into the third-qualifying round of the same competition. The two teams at the root of the league table are relegated into the 2nd division whereas the two leading sides of 2nd Bundesliga get promotion. A two-leg play-off match is played between the third-last team and the 3rd spotted side of the 2nd Bundesliga.

The winner plays in the Bundesliga for the next season while the loser plies their trade in the 2nd division.

The method of tie-breakers plays a role if more than one team has collection of same points. The method is in line with the following order:

  • Goal difference in the season
  • Total goals netted by a team in question for the season
  • Head-to-Head goals in outings
  • Number of head-to-head scores

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Premier League Match Time: Birmingham Vs West Ham

It’s Premier League match time as Birmingham City host West Ham United on Saturday afternoon at St Andrew’s.

West Ham will look forward to the game against the Blues as one of three opportunities to get out of the relegation mine, with matches against West Brom and Blackpool line up after this one. The Hammers are at the bottom of the pile in twentieth place on the points table.

Indeed, manager Avram Grant’s fortunes are tied up with the performance of his charges in these three games, with the players reportedly unhappy about some of the substitutions their manager made in the game against Arsenal in match week ten. Nothing is going right for the team at the moment.

Thomas Hitlzperger’s injury has hurt West Ham badly as they did not have a back up plan for the unexpected eventuality. That said, the game against Arsenal was hard-fought and had they taken an early lead, they could have brought off an unlikely win on a day when they kept the Arsenal attack at bay for the best part of 87 minutes.

In fact, West Ham got their first opportunity barely nine mnutes into the atch when Fabianski between the Arsenal posts barely managed to keep a Scott Parker free kick out, after Song had tripped Piquionne to set it up. Mark Noble was another player who impressed on a day when the Hammers stayed positive against their more fancied rivals.

Birmingham are just five places ahead of the Hammers, in fifteenth position. But with two back to back clean sheets in their most recent Premiership games, the Blues are justified in feeling they are beginning to find their stride this season.

But a problem with Birmingham’s game this season has been their defensive mindset; they have concentrated on keeping their rivals from scoring rather than scoring themselves. This was reflected in the Blues’ opting to go with just one striker in Zigic. But Birmingham would consider themselves for not having a penalty appeal upheld by the umpire after a plapabe handball by Reo-Coker in Villa’s box.

The Blues’ goalless draw away against Aston Villa in match week ten was the first of seven Premier League matches when Villa were kept from winning against their derby rivals, and Birmingham will take that as a positive sign. Larsson and Carr were impressive for Birmingham, as was Scott Dann in the back. Dann was booked after he brought down Villa skipper Clark, and he must be careful in the Hammers game as his team can ill-afford to be reduced to ten men against Grant’s men who are desperate for their second win this season. Birmingham are always hard to beat at home, and predictably, bookmakers favour the Blues to win.

Ahead of the match, Birmingham have Beausejour and McFadden on the injured list, while West Ham will miss Hitzlsperger, Hines, Collison and Noble for the same reason. In addition, Faubert is serving out a three match suspension.

Birmingham had the following players in the first eleven in their game against Aston Villa: Foster, Carr, Johnson, Dann,

Ridgewell, Larsson, Gardner, Ferguson, Fahey, Hleb, Zigic

The following player featured as a substitute in the match: Jerome

West Ham’s starting eleven against Arsenal comprised: Green, Jacobsen, da Costa, Gabbidon,Ilunga, Parker, Behrami, Noble, Boa Morte, Obinna, Piquionne

The substitutes who played in the match were: Barrera, Cole, Faubert

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EPL 2011-12: Manchester City Vs Arsenal Match Time

Table toppers Manchester City take on Arsenal in match week 16 of the Premier League when the teams clash on Sunday, December 18, 2011.

Man City suffered their first loss of the league season when they went down 2-1 away at Chelsea, in match week 15. Lampard became an instant hero for the home side when he came off the bench to score the match winner seven minutes before time. The sides were locked at 1-1 after Balotelli’s early lead for City was neutralised shortly before the interval on the back of Raul Meireles’ strike. City began explosively with waves of attack in the first half hour to exploit Chelsea’s porous defence. It culminated in Balotelli’s goal, when Aguero cut in from the right to relay the ball past Terry to Aguero who in turn passed it to Balotelli to do the rest. At the end of the day, City would have rued their many missed scoring opportunities in the first half when the home side’s defence was all at sea, trying to cope with the marauding City attack.

In match week 15, Arsenal registered a 1-0 victory over Everton, in a match hosted by Gunners at the Emirates. Robin Van Persie – who else – scored the only goal of the game to give Arsenal something to celebrate their 125th anniversary by. Van Persie’s spectacular volley on 71 minutes brought relief to home fans who were frustrated by the home side’s many missed chances.

Head to head, in the last 10 years, Man City and Arsenal have met in 20 league games, with Arsenal winning on 14 occasions and City on 3, with the remaining games ending in stalemates. The last time these teams met was in January 2011; that match played at the Emirates ended in a goalless stalemate.

Man City have won 8, and drawn and lost 1 each of their last 10 league matches, while Arsenal have identically won 8 and drawn and lost 1 each of their last 10 games.

Currently at the top of the table, City have hosted 7 home games, this season, winning all 7; the Gunners who are 5th placed on the league table have had 3 wins, 1 draw and 3 losses, in their 7 away games.

With Chelsea causing City’s title bid a mild jolt in match week 15, the Manchester squad will have a point or more to prove against the Gunners whose ramshackle defence could be put to its stiffest test yet.

Man City’s starting eleven against Chelsea: Joe Hart, Pablo Zabaleta, Joleon Lescott, Vincent Kompany, Gael Clichy, James Milner, Gnegneri Toure Yaya, Gareth Barry, David Silva, Sergio Aguero, Mario Balotelli.

Arsenal’s starting eleven against Everton: Wojciech Szczesny, Johan Djourou, Per Metresacker, Laurent Koscielny, Thomas Vermaelen, Mikel Arteta, Alex Song, Theo Walcott, Aaron Ramsey, Yao Gervinho, Robin Van Persie.

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